Let’s be real for a second. We all want certain things. Whether it is a successful career, a certain amount of money on our bank account, a family, a (big) house, travel the world. And when we see people around us who have these things, it’s difficult to not feel envious. However, feeling envious (or maybe even a little jealous) is not the problem, beating ourselves up because of it, is. Especially when we’re stuck in a vicious circle of comparing ourselves to others, which makes us feel bad about ourselves and therefore we aren’t feeling confident enough to achieve the thing we want.
Comparing ourselves to others has always been around (yes even before social media). But I do believe it has become a lot easier to have a look into someone’s life. Trust me, I get the feeling of endlessly scrolling through Instagram, while sitting on the sofa in my PJs, eating chocolate and chips, don’t judge ;) while sulking and complaining about all the things I haven’t achieved that others have.
Since we’re all humans, who yearn for connection and belonging, comparison will always be in the picture. I don’t think it’s just something we will be able to fully stop doing. But there are things you can do that will help you feel less bad about yourself or inspire you to learn and grow from it.
Remember that you’re comparing your ‘bad times’ or ‘failures’ with other people’s successes.
When you do this, you’re able to let go of the story in your head that other people never fail or never doubt themselves and that everything they try will be an immediate success. Start with a reality-check and look for the truth behind the photo or success-story.Check in with yourself and your values.
Turn inwards and ask yourself if what you see other people do, is really what you WANT to do. Write out the lifestyle YOU want for yourself.
For example, when I’m comparing myself with someone who works for a (tech)company and has a very demanding and successful career, I can’t help but feel like I’m not doing a good enough job and that working from home is actually not a real career.
So then I’ll check in with myself and my values. I then remind myself that my values of being flexible and having freedom are my priority at this moment in my life. Because I’m working from home, I’m able to honor these values.Give that other person an acknowledgment or compliment.
Whenever you express what you’re admiring in someone else and are able to celebrate someone’s success, it will release the grip comparison has over you. Showing kindness and empathy really is the way to go.See it as a way to learn and grow yourself.
Whenever you see someone do something you would really like to do or achieve yourself, ask yourself the following questions. What can I learn from that person that will help me grow?
And, what is that person doing that I am not and in what way can I take this on myself? Or, as my friend mentioned: ‘elegant stealing’. Be inspired and then bring your unique self into it.
And don’t hesitate to ask that person, if he or she is someone you know. They’re probably happy to share their insights and their story.
In the end, the most important thing is that you tune in with yourself. That you compare yourself to who you were 5 years ago, a year ago, 6 months ago or even Yesterday. I bet you’ll surprise yourself.
