One of the main aspects within Co-Active coaching is being with your client and their feelings. This also means that you have to be able to be with your own feelings and emotions. And instead of focussing on ‘fixing it’, ‘finding solutions’ or even steering yourself away from unwanted emotions, it’s better to be with the feelings and allowing yourself to really feel it. Because for it to get better, you have to go through it.
So lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I deal with my emotions and feelings. I feel that I am honest and I’m not afraid to share my opinion on things. And at times you could even say I got the hang of the whole Brené Brown’s vulnerability-thing. While I’m not afraid to tell others that I’m having a certain feeling or emotion, for me to actually feel it and to let it out is a different story. For starters, I will push aside feelings like sadness or disappointment, I will tell myself that I don’t have anything to complain about, that other people have real problems, so I’m supposed to be fine and when I cry I often apologize for it.
With this realization, I decided that I needed to work on actually feeling my feelings and emotions. To work through it and to not explain or analyze it with my head. So I’ve been checking in with my body regularly, closing my eyes and sitting in a comfortable position and to do some sort of body-scan. Also, I’ve been talking about this more with people around me and opened up about how I feel. And most importantly, I have been working on not apologizing for feeling the way I feel anymore. So with taking this on more seriously, I’ve experienced working through my emotions and I have been able to take away some of the emotional charge (which for some things, I didn’t even realize I was still having strong feelings). I guess I’m starting to experience what it is to actually let go.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: don’t ever apologize for how you’re feeling. Your emotions are not meant to be compared to how others might be feeling and your feelings are valid, no matter the situation you’re in.
Oh, and in case you need a reminder, this isn’t only the case for ‘unwanted’ or ‘sad’ feelings. This also goes for positive or celebratory feelings!
How do you feel about this?
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